Bang My Wife I was out at a Country bar one evening with this married couple that I had met at this bar a few months ago. It was a normal night and not much was happening. The guy had went to the hroom and when he left, his wife whispered to me that he had given her permission to take me home with them and fuck me, if I was into that kind of thing. She said that he wasn't sure of what my reaction would be, so she was tasked with asking me. I said that I would be okay with it if her hubby was. When he came back, she went to the Restroom and we talked. I told him what she had said and that I was okay with it if he was. He smiled and said that he was totally cool with it. He confided that he was also submissive. We agreed to pay our tab and go to their house.
I was more excited then them because I am very closet "bi" and this was my opportunity to push the limits. Given my conversation with the husband, I had a feeling that I could get some cock myself if I played it right.
We got to their house and those two started kissing. I went over and started kissing his wife. After a while of heavy petting, she suggested we all go into the bedroom and get naked! One in the bedroom, I laid her on her back and started to lick her pussy and suck on her clit. She was soaked and I swear she must have came within seconds after my tongue was inserted in her snatch. After about 10 minutes of pussy eating, I told her husband to come over and taste how good she was. He dove right in! I then started to work on her tits and straddled her face to fuck her mouth. Her husband was still eating her out and watching me fuck his wife's face from behind. I then told him to stay at the foot of the bed and I slid down and stuck my cock inside her wet, warm snatch. I told her husband to stay on the floor at the foot of the bed and watch as I fucked his wife. That would be a hot view for him. After about 5 or 10 minutes of fucking her, I got off and slid to the foot of the bed and told her husband that I wanted him to taste how good his wife was. He started to slid up to eat her pussy but I stopped him and said that I wanted him to lick her juices off my cock. He hesitated for a moment, looked up at her, and receiving a wink from her, engulfed my cock with his mouth. After a few minutes of this, I stopped him so I could once again fuck his wife. As I was fucking her, he stood up on the bed and said that I was now going to taste how good he tasted, and stuck his cock in my mouth. I wanted to concentrate on blowing him, so we switched positions so I laid on my back, his wife on top fucking me, and he straddled my chest and was fucking my face.
It wasn't long before he was fucking my face hard and shooting a nice warm load of semen in my mouth! All along, his wife is riding my hard cock and having orgasm after orgasm. It wasn't long before I shot my load deep inside of her. Afterwards, we laid there for a few minutes. When I noticed that her husband was hard again. I told him that it was time he tasted my load. So, I made him go down on his wife and eat her snatch while I blew him again!
We all were satisfied many times that evening. I even watched him fuck his a wife that night and we both fucked her a few times.
We haven't done it again yet, but we still hang out at the same bar and I can tell they are still interested. That was two weeks ago so I am rushing it? lol
M-M-F Threesome Alright I am the female half of this couple. We have been with a few bi-males that we met on yahoo chats. This is what happen on one occasion. I chatted with this guy for awhile & we decided for him to come over. After I gave him directions to our home I got offline, took a shower, and had a stiff drink. My husband smoked some bud and took a shower. When the guy arrived I answered the door and showed him to the bedroom. I offered him a drink, he took it. We all sat and talked about what we wanted that evening.
The guys got undressed and began to give one another head . I was sitting in a lounge chair chilling, watching, getting wet and horny. They lick each other cock and sucked. Then my husband laid on his back and the guy put on a condom and slid into him. My husband was moaning and jerking off.
I was still drinking my drink while watching. My husband then ask me to get on the bed with them. Which I did. I moved over my husband face and sat down ( I wasn't wearing any panties ) he began to eat out, while the other guy started playing with my breast. My husband stop jerking off and said for me to move down more. So the other guy stopped fucking him and continued to play with my breast and he took off the condom he had on.
The guy guided my husband into my pussy and put on antoher condom then he slid inside my pussy and started to fuck me also. I moan ( kinda loudly ) to fuck me harder. They started going at me for all they were worth.
My husband told the guy to get the lube off of the nightstand and to take my ass. ( Every now and then I like it rough. Not always but, sometimes it can be fun. Plus, this was like our eleventh time doing this.)
He told the guy that after he put lots of lube inside my ass that he should rape that black ass. The dude ask if he was sure that was something that I would really be into. So, to prove the point my husband slapped me in the face and said that the other dude and him were going to use me like a whore and I was going to enjoy it.
I came all over his cock. Then the next thing I felt was the other guy slide into my ass slowly, kinda unsure. My husband said for me to tell dude to rape me. I looked over my shoulder and said " Fuck me like the dirty slut that I am! I am your fuck toy. Use me and abuse me!" that got him going!
He started slamming his cock into me. That night I got faced fucked twice
( thank goodness I don't have a gag reflex ) My husband fucked the guy in the ass while dude fucked me in the ass, there was alot of spanking going on, dude fucked my pussy hard while my husband force fed me his cock ( i like the feel of not being able to breath at times but, we usually only do this type of play when we are alone ) I deep throated dude while my husband fucked me in the ass, we fucked until they both couldn't go any longer.
Dude took a shower, got dressed and left. And then my husband ate me out again and I passed out.
I am the dominate one in the relationship in all other areas.
So, I love being submissive whenever we enter the bedroom.
And Rob takes full advantage of our playtime as well our sexual time alone!
Men Getting Fucked By Women THIS is my ultimate bisexual fantasy. I want to be sucking hubby's pussy wetted cock as his wife or her playmate fucks me in the ass with a strapon. PLEASE fuck me in the ass as lady as I suck your husband or BF's cock...PLEASE!
Cheating Wives Ladies in the Bloomington, Indiana area.
Not getting enough cock from your old man, wanting a little something extra?
I am looking to fuck wives who are getting it on the sly or for women who like being fucked while her husband watches.
I have a 7.5 uncut cock & know how to use it!
I will eat your pussy, fuck you hard & make you cum a lot.
Women Watching Men Suck Dick I live in Palm Springs area and am ready and willing and love sucking a man's cock while his wife watches and encourages us. I have a regular couple I service. She dresses him in panties and has him beg me to suck his cock. She tells us what she wants us to do, and how. Then she let's him fuck her while i am under them licking them both. When he cums I clean his cock while she holds his cum in her pussy, then she sits on my face and I lap up her cunt and clean her completely. If I do a good job cleaning his wonderful prick, he sometimes gets another hard on and she tells him to fuck me with his fat cock. Has taken me awhile to accomadate his girth, but I can now. She tells me to jerk off while he does it and tell her how much i like it when her husband fucks me.
A few weeks ago they invited me over and they had some out of town guests. I was introduced as the cum sucker for the evening and I spent the night on the floor, under the table, sucking cocks and eating pussies while they chatted and ate dinner. Delicious dinner, i must say!
Gloryholes New Jersey FUCK YES, I Do wish that you 2 where Right Here in Philly PA, I Will To Show You's 2 Around My Home Town and I can Host 4 U's 1 on 1 or together - Interested ? in cumming to c.c. I Do know where we can get very naked so all and any can see of US SUCKING AND FUCKING ?
Men Licking Pussy While She Is Getting Fucked WHEN I FIRST GOT MARRIED MY WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE WANTED TO SWING WITH A BLACK DUDE THAT SHE WORKED WITH AT HER JOB. I WAS NOT INTO THIS BUT SHE INSISTED AND DEMANDED THAT I JOIN IN--THE FUN.. SO, BEING A SUBMISSIVE CROSS DRESSER I SAID, OK. WHEN SHE BROUGHT THE BLACK STUD TO OUR HOME MY WIFE KISSED HIM AND HE FELT HER UP RIGHT AT THE DOOR. MY WIFE TOLD HIM THAT I'M A SUB SISSY BOY AND THAT I WOULD SUCK HIS COCK TO GET HIM HARD... I HAD TO GET ON MY KNEES AND TOOK HIM IN MY MOUTH.. HE GOT HARD AND IT GREW TO 11" AS I SUCKED HIES SHAFT AND BALLS.. THEN HE FUCKED MY WIFE AND I GOT UNDER THEM AND DID MY THING EATING PUSSY AND LICKING HIS BLACK SHAFT UNTIL HE SHOT CUM INTO HER PUSSY AND I SWALLOWED AFTER HE PULLED OUT OF HER PUSSY... WHEN HE LEFT MY WIFE SAID I'M A SISSY FOR BLACK COCKS AND THAT SHE'D BRING OTHER BIG DICK STUDS FOR MORE FUN AND NEXT TIME I'D HAVE TO SUCK SEVERAL BLACK COCKS WHILE SHE WATCHED AND THEN I WOULD HAVE TO LET THEM HAVE MY ASS/PUSSY AS LONG AS THEY WANTED IT... I'M NOW A WHITE SISSIE SLUT FOR BLACK COCKS, SO IF THERE ARE MEMBERS INTO THIS-CONTACT ME!!!!
Women With Strap Ons I love having a woman fuck me in the ass with her strap-on while her husband or boyfriend and I suck each other's cock.
If you live in Dallas, let me know if you like this scene as well.
Women Teaching Men How To Suck Cock Would like to find a couple in the Detroit Mi area. How about the wife sucking my cock while I suck the husband, mimicking her every move? The best way to learn is through doing and experience is the best teacher, right?
I'm a stay at home mom and my husband is in the National Guard. He is athletic and I'm a little on the chubby side. We have 3 kids. My husband is currently in Afghanistan for a year. I am interested in meeting a woman to explore new things with.
Video masturbation sessions would be fun (skype/google), My wife is no longer interested in playing with others after many years of fun and games she says she is to old but he would enjoy exploring a friendship another man depending on our mutual desire. I'll try anything once but would prefer someone older, 40 + maybe, and easy going.
He would probably not get involved with another single female since that could lead to feelings that might cause problems in home and out but you never know.
It is all about finding a new friend and having fun. We are looking for friendship because we value friendship more than sex. We have a hot tub in the sun room, that and glass of wine makes for some fun times. We are hoping for a long term but short term is fun too, everything starts somewhere.
We are not looking for Ken and Barbie, because we are not,
Things we enjoy: We have a large hot tub, a few ATVs, (reds mostly Traveling, Sushi. RC planes, I am an avid fixer - computers, home improvements, Carpentry, Carving, furniture making, movies DVD at home, she loves to do needle work heck I'll try most things at least once.
2-18-09 new update. The wife has desided to try playing again. We are a couple works for a living and for the most are home bodies. we are not big party animals but do like to get once in a while. We are not Ken and Barbie and we are little on the heavier side. if that bothers you then we are not for you.
I am a good person, who is energetic, outgoing and likes to have fun. I want a person who is the same way. I am looking to hook up with men, women and male/female couples. I am completely bisexual and love to do everything with a man and a woman. I like to suck cock/get sucked. I like to fuck/get fucked. I would love to get fucked with a strap on dick. I would love to have a full day fuck session. I love to eat pussy and when I fuck men I do it strictly bareback.
I a married man. and I just love sites like this. I enjoy the naughty and nasty chats with others who enjoy this as well. I find it quit the turn on showing off my " naughty, nasty and dirty " side for others. I have always liked getting naked for the camera. I also love taking slutty pics of my wife. and sending them, and sharing them with others. another thing I find a huge turn on. is geting pics sent back to me of my wife from someone who has photoshoped them. I also love to play with other cocks as well. I hope we can find the time to have some fun together..............
" YOUR SYBERSEX FUCK TOY SLUT "
WYOCOCK . . . . . . . . .
bi-curious male, bisexual female. just lookin for some fun. my GF got me into wearin bra & panties when we fuck. now its the only way i can JO ) if we hit it off then we could get the wife to help us out MMMM .... its me (o)(o) lol & i luv men in panties mmmm would luv to see my man in his panties suckin a big cock )
I shared my wife with another man for over 20 years. During most of that time, I was a submissive cleanup boy and helper during their sessions. I came to enjoy this role very much and learned to love sucking his cock and cleaning up the mess he left in my wife's cunt. Though we are still happily married my wife doesn't entertain him any longer and won't consider anyone new. I would like to meet a couple who would like my oral services or a man who would like his cock serviced on a regular basis. I also have videos of my wife sucking and fucking and me helping to share with you.
Ok, time to re-write, because no one apparently reads anything once they see your pics. I'll leave the way this was originally written below so you can not only understand what I'm looking for, but understand my frustration. FIRST, IF YOU SEND ME YOUR VERY FIRST E-MAIL AND IT CONTAINS YOUR PHONE NUMBER, THAT TELLS ME YOU'RE COMPLETELY INDISCRIMINATE. ANYONE BEING CAUTIOUS IS NOT GOING TO DOLE OUT THEIR NUMBER TO JUST ANYONE. SECOND, IF YOU'RE STAYING IN A LOCAL MOTEL AND SEND ME YOUR FIRST E-MAIL IN THE HOPES I WILL RUN RIGHT OVER TO A STRANGER'S MOTEL ROOM AND SUCK YOU OFF, YOU ARE INDISCRIMINATE AND MOST LIKELY YOUR HORNINESS HAS CLOUDED YOUR BETTER JUDGEMENT. LASTLY, PLEASE READ A TINY BIT OF WHAT I'VE WRITTEN. CLEARLY FROM WHAT I'VE WROTE, YOU HAVE A GOOD IDEA AS TO WHAT I'M INTERESTED IN AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO WITH YOU. SO E-MAILS THAT TELL ME HOW BAD YOU WANT TO SUCK ME, CLEARLY STATE YOU HAVEN'T READ ANYTHING. PLEASE GUYS, I KNOW THERE'S ONE GUY OUT THERE TO BE FOUND, IT CAN'T BE THIS BAD. IF WE CONNECT, I PROMISE I WILL ORALLY WORSHIP AND ADORE YOUR COCK AND SWALLOW EVERY DROP OF YOUR CUM AS IF IT WERE THE ONLY COCK ON EARTH. BUT PLEASE, LET'S DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR BOTH OUR SAKES. BEING MARRIED AND TRYING TO FULFILL MY FANTASIES ON THE SLY, THERE IS NO ROOM FOR INDISCRETION OR CARRYING HOME A DISEASE I CANNOT EXPLAIN AWAY. READ AND LET'S HAVE SOME HOT FUN, THERE HAS TO BE ONE OF YOU OUT THERE!! Here's the original text below, I think it's clear:
I am married, bi-curious, EXTREMELY clean, discreet, sane and disease free. Found recently that wearing lingerie adds to my feminine/submissive fantasy. Looking for one sane guy, preferably married, to submit to / orally service to completion on a regular basis. No reciprocation necessary. No desire for emotional attachments, multiple partners or changing my home life...just one guy to meet regularly to service, that is clean, sane and disease free.
Hi! I have been away from this site for a couple of years but now I'm back. I'm an older bi-male and enjoy company of both sexes. I'm looking for all that care to have fun with an older bi-man. Would like a couple (but not limited to) where the wife knows the husband is bi. I enjoy all things sexual that does not conflict with my partner(s) likes and dislikes.
****WE DON'T CAM****Please read our complete profile before emailing us! We don't want to waste your time or ours. You can not just have one person... we come together so if you just want only one of us you need to move on please...She will only play with a female and her mind will not be changed no matter how hard you try. She wants to watch. We Have become very good at figuring people out and that's why we are very cautious. We are y and fun. D&D free so protection is always a must... Shaved females only please (She has an issue with hair)...also if you are being dishonest about your lifestyle to a husband, wife or significant other please move on we consider that cheating no matter what the reasons. Please do not email us with stupid requests..."Can your wife "F" me with a strap on" or "Lets Screw" we don't know you at all so its not going to happen.... its a waste of our time and yours. Also if you only have "dick pics" (they are fun but say nothing about you) or pictures of half of a couple please move on that is a big red flag for us..... We are open and honest and to the point and we are both go with the flow kind of people. We love meeting new people and letting loose.
We are very open minded, and are open to about anything. We like to ride motorcycles, four-wheelers, he plays guitar. We like to go fishing when we can. We like getting out and riding and we like to stay home as well. we like watching movies at home and going to the movies. I have had a few experiences and he has not. I would love to find someone that i can have fun with. Someone that is down to earth and outgoing as well. Someone that enjoys getting out doing things and staying home. I'm a hopeless romantic, he is not. so i would like to find someone that enjoys those things too. getting or giving flowers for no reason. Just being surprised and also doing the surprising. i like to cuddle, i like playing with toys and we both like watching porn.
We are a down to earth couple who's very much in love still after 30 years of marriage.We love to fish,party,and enjoy life and what it brings.We are very discreet in what ever we do,and expect the same from others.We fee lthat we raised our kids and now it's time for us.We are a average couple maybe a few extra pounds but not over weight.We are new to this lifestyle and are very curious.
Im 6ft, 200, brown hair, hazel eyes, 6 inch hard cock! to completely satisfy a woman (love to eat pussy). Looking for fuck buddie(s) MMF/MFF, cyber/phone sex! Not looking for relationship, just discrete sex. Im considered attractive by women. Because I want to be discrete, I can only send pic upon request....
MEN: If you really like sucking and fucking hard cock and need to suck and fuck hard cock, fell freee to contact me! I love to be serviced by others
Physically fit, opened minded bi-racial couple looking for fun people for good times.
We like to travel and we are fun and very easy to be around.
She is well educated, well-traveled, attractive and very talkative. She has never met a stranger even when traveling abroad -- very outgoing sexy lady. Favorite phase that describes sexual habits "whatever feel good at the time".
He is retired military,he now travels up and down the east coast. Very sexy and enjoys all types of activities.
I am an attractive, upscale, height-weight proportionate, fit, personable, fun-loving, health-conscious and nonsmoking gentleman. I am positive, spiritual and avoid drama and games. I am seeking like-minded couples & singles (clean, healthy, well-groomed, disease-free, discreet) for friendship and who can also join me & my wife at times; in the bedroom. I am progressive, love and respect nature and animals, enjoy hiking, swimming, boating, and our mountaintop home. well endoweled men...and can show you a great time...No games please
If you are 25 to 55,and care about yourself,please shot us a line....In more ways than one...
We are both dirty blondes depending on the amount of time in the sun. I have green eyes, my husband has blue. I am built like a gymnast and my husband is a wiry athletic build. We are both very healthy and love sports as well as sex. We are happily married but as you all know it is difficult for couples to maintain the same sexual desire all the time.
I love sex and prefer vaginal missionary with some variations. I am multi orgasmic and nothing else seems to hit the spot like the aforementioned plus once I orgasm about the 5th time I am good to go for a few weeks. My husband desires sex more often and would love to have a lot more variety so I am exploring our options. I have added some anal play and we are going from there. I am interested in learning about anal play for my husband. I have a lot to learn and need help getting there. I want to find ways to help him find pleasure without needing intercourse and oral with me all the time. Anal play on him seems to be the best option based on the research I have discovered as to how good it can feel for men. I would like to find a progression from the beginning to bring him to orgasms even teach him to pleasure himself for additional sexual time. Do you have any such material, direction, or guidance? What steps do I take? How quickly does one progress in this situation, how does one encourage their husband to explore themself? How can I add variety of play to this? What are my options?
14 next door neighbor was a 26 yr old navy wife and used me as a sex toy until her husband came home. he told me it was ok to fuck his wife while he was gone, but when he was home he wanted me also. so the first time I sucked his cock was while his wife watched and when he came in my mouth I took it all in. she had been training me to like cum. we had that relationship for 3 yrs.
one night a husband and wife are sitting at home enjoying tv the husband is eatting peanuts throwing one after another in the air catching them in his mouth. he threw one up as his wife called him and he turn his attention to her and the peanut when into his ear. he tried to get it out with his finger but it slid farther into his ear. his wife tried with twesiers but the peanut slid even farther.they decided to go to the hospital when their daughter and her boyfriend came home and found out what was going on. the boyfriend said let me try my trick if it doesn't work then go to the hospital the husband saya ok and sat down.the boyfriend explained that he was going to put his fingers in his nose and then he needed to blow as hard as he can. so they tried it the boyfriend put his fingers in the husbands nose and he blew as hard as he could and the peanut shot out of his ear. everybody was so happy the husband and wife began to watch tv again while their daughter and her boyfriend went into the kitchen. what a nice boy said the wife i wonder what he's going to be then her husband says by the smell of his finger our son in-law
A wife for me. I have always has a passion for other men fucking my wife. I wanted it so bad that I tried everything I could to make it happen but the wife just was not up to the sexual pleasure. I divorced her and am looking for a sexual match for life.
I cant understand why any woman would not love her man to bring other guys home to fuck her, Or to encourge her to go out and get laid once in a while by herself just to keep the excitement going. I would love to be able to share my wife with others at bars and dances or just to go out and find nice guys to fuck her. I am Bi and would love to share cock with her as well. I would love to come home and find her in bed with a couple guys. I would join right in. Or to hear how she was shopping and ended up in the back room of the store letting the workers fuck her one after another.
I would love that woman forever.
I want a Get a guy's dick in my ass, while she watches us and I want her to help herBF/Husband to fuck in my ass.
I want she spread my ass with her soft hands and brings her guy's dick and put on my ass whole and tell him to fuck him hard and then she sits in front of me and tell me to lick her pussy, while he is fucking is my ass.
This would be my first BI experience , never tried it before............
Marriage and Men
- When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make. - Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home - A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face - is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest. - An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge. - Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle. - Getting married is one mistake every man should make. - A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him. - Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence. - The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet. and lastly............ - Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from getting a better husband than the one she married!
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning, and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
Hi, I'm looking for nsa fun within my locality with anyone. I'm very easygoing and very broadminded...any suggestions welcome! I prefer to fuck rather than being fucked, but only slightly. I'd love to fuck either husband or wife while their partner watches and then joins in...but as I've said, any suggestions welcome!
i have a very deatailed desire driving me crazy and cant wait anymore.
want meet a sexy married woman (stranger) at a club or something. approach her in rest room or outside and fix her shirt for her comment on her nice breast and carress them. then kiss them and slide my hand down to touch her and see if shes wet. then inviter her and her husband home where the real fantasy takes place
Yes, I love a cock in my ass. I really love it when I am eating pussy and her husband is giving me a good ass fuck. I have also had a wife do me with a strap-on while I sucked her husband. I like to slide my cock up an ass as well. I think it is nice when you can give and get both.
A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it.
Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.
"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"
"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.
Mistress (wife) seeks sub bi man for oral play with husband only. There will be no sex with wife, no touching, and no talking to wife unless spoken to directly. I will be directing the action between you and my husband ONLY. You will be expected to suck his cock, swallow his cum, and he will be forced to do the same to you. You will be told to crawl and beg, lick my shoes etc. I want to order you two to do nasty dirty things to each other. My husband will be ordered to service me during playtime, you must watch. Be sane, clean, ddf! Email us if your interested. P.s. You may be forced to prove that your are truly bisexual.
I am like slayer, I like the cock, not into looking at pics of gay men. I have had many get-togethers with men and 3-sums with the wife. She loves to see me with another guy. I dont think of it as love or anything like that. Its the sex I like.
We had one guy who would come over once in a while, she liked it when I fucked her and he fucked me at the same time. We did the daisy chain thing many times also. Its all hot if you find a compatable guy. Most come with an attitude, or just want to fuck the wife cause they dont get any at home and are cheating. By the time you weed out the dirt bags, there is none left.
Why cant anyone be perfect like me? LOL The wife likes that line.
Good luck searching
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
============================== ============================== ==========
What did the Dracula say to his teacher?
See you next Period!
Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank.
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch.
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A little kid walks into a city bus for a Halloween night and sits right
behind the driver and starts yelling: ''If my dad was a ghost and my
mom a ghost, I'd be a little ghost.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with:
''If my dad was an dracula and my mom a dracula, I would be a little
The kid goes on with a devil, witch, demon until the bus driver gets
angry and yells at the kid:
''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says: ''I would be a bus driver!''
============================== ============================== ======
One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most
adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the
biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The
woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!"
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her
husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go
ahead honey say it just one more time."
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just
the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat
Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the
little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman
and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my fucking
============================== ============================== ==========
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in
a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the
store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and
there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband
yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard
of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else
I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume
and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes
to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a man
costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you
doing? Have you ever heard of a black man? Take this back
and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the
husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed
are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the
second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The
husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the
three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino.
If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on
and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can
shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"
my husband and i are looking to try our first threesome. we are looking for an older women in the hampton roads are. if you have a bf/husband he was welcome to watch but my husband isnt open to the idea of another man, yet. please email me if this sounds like something you'd be willing to do. we own our home so we can deff host. thank you.
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night." The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!" "What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."
A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He’s riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house, when he explains his situation to the taxi driver.
It’s after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.
They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed – and there his wife lies in bed with another man!
Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the man’s head. Just then, his wife yells “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!…”
- HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
- HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
- HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
- HE paid for our our lakehouse and boat.
- HE paid for your country club membership,
and and HE even pays the monthly dues!’
Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger,
he looks over at the taxi driver and asks “What should I do?”
The taxi driver replies, “I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.”
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