Handjobs There is 1 thing that all men do since they were 8 yrs old.That is beating their meat.Its even in the cards before the 1rst french kiss.If aman says he don't stroke it ,leave him alone for 2 weeks!Now stroking another mans cock would leave him cumming in my hand,what a waste when my throaght is waiting
Bang My Wife I was out at a Country bar one evening with this married couple that I had met at this bar a few months ago. It was a normal night and not much was happening. The guy had went to the hroom and when he left, his wife whispered to me that he had given her permission to take me home with them and fuck me, if I was into that kind of thing. She said that he wasn't sure of what my reaction would be, so she was tasked with asking me. I said that I would be okay with it if her hubby was. When he came back, she went to the Restroom and we talked. I told him what she had said and that I was okay with it if he was. He smiled and said that he was totally cool with it. He confided that he was also submissive. We agreed to pay our tab and go to their house.
I was more excited then them because I am very closet "bi" and this was my opportunity to push the limits. Given my conversation with the husband, I had a feeling that I could get some cock myself if I played it right.
We got to their house and those two started kissing. I went over and started kissing his wife. After a while of heavy petting, she suggested we all go into the bedroom and get naked! One in the bedroom, I laid her on her back and started to lick her pussy and suck on her clit. She was soaked and I swear she must have came within seconds after my tongue was inserted in her snatch. After about 10 minutes of pussy eating, I told her husband to come over and taste how good she was. He dove right in! I then started to work on her tits and straddled her face to fuck her mouth. Her husband was still eating her out and watching me fuck his wife's face from behind. I then told him to stay at the foot of the bed and I slid down and stuck my cock inside her wet, warm snatch. I told her husband to stay on the floor at the foot of the bed and watch as I fucked his wife. That would be a hot view for him. After about 5 or 10 minutes of fucking her, I got off and slid to the foot of the bed and told her husband that I wanted him to taste how good his wife was. He started to slid up to eat her pussy but I stopped him and said that I wanted him to lick her juices off my cock. He hesitated for a moment, looked up at her, and receiving a wink from her, engulfed my cock with his mouth. After a few minutes of this, I stopped him so I could once again fuck his wife. As I was fucking her, he stood up on the bed and said that I was now going to taste how good he tasted, and stuck his cock in my mouth. I wanted to concentrate on blowing him, so we switched positions so I laid on my back, his wife on top fucking me, and he straddled my chest and was fucking my face.
It wasn't long before he was fucking my face hard and shooting a nice warm load of semen in my mouth! All along, his wife is riding my hard cock and having orgasm after orgasm. It wasn't long before I shot my load deep inside of her. Afterwards, we laid there for a few minutes. When I noticed that her husband was hard again. I told him that it was time he tasted my load. So, I made him go down on his wife and eat her snatch while I blew him again!
We all were satisfied many times that evening. I even watched him fuck his a wife that night and we both fucked her a few times.
We haven't done it again yet, but we still hang out at the same bar and I can tell they are still interested. That was two weeks ago so I am rushing it? lol
Men Getting Fucked By Women THIS is my ultimate bisexual fantasy. I want to be sucking hubby's pussy wetted cock as his wife or her playmate fucks me in the ass with a strapon. PLEASE fuck me in the ass as lady as I suck your husband or BF's cock...PLEASE!
Cuckold We are a mature couple.My husband loves to watch me having sex with another guy or guys.Have been gang bang one time by seven men.Husband cleans up my pussy after a guy shoots a big load of cum in me.Must be healthy ,clean and DF.
Females Who Use Strap-ons on Males I'd like to find a couple )MF) in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area who enjoys strap-ons as I do. I'd love for her to shove that strap=on cock up my ass while I fucked her husband in the ass or sucked him off or he could suck me off as well. Then I'd like to take her in the ass while she did her husband or boyfriend.
Suck My Husbands Cock I Suck Your Husband"s VERY Rock Hard COCK For You as You Watch Me Go Down On Him ---> Just ask me to Any Time ? ? ? in Philly PA Write to me and Let"s Get Your Husband"s COCK VERY SUCKED ON ...(^_^(?...
Hooking mmmm we play this in vegas it is sooo fuckin hot hvin all the guys at da bar hitin on me nd tellin me how they wanna fuck me nd my tits ?? then my man cum nd tell me sum thing in my ear nd we leave wit all tha otrhers just lookin )
Yarn Crafts I find knitting to be very relaxing. I left an extremely stressful job a couple of months ago. Knitting is the only thing that kept me sane. I was doing it every night and I even started doing it at lunch time in my car. I was so happy to leave that place.
Eat Pussy With Cock In It One of my first bisexual experiences involved this scenario. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find another couple to play with since...but what memories
I was close to this couple and the male and I had a few M2M experiences. One night he confided in me that he always wanted to receive oral while fucking his hot little wife. He wasn't sure how to make it happen since his wife didn't know that he was bi and he wasn't sure that he wanted another man to be with his wife. I suggested that we go to his house Saturday night after Happy Hour and suggested to him that we all get a good buzz on and see what happened.
Saturday came and we all got drunk at Happy Hour and continued to drink some good wine and smoked a joint or two. Previous to that night, I had it planned that if he would leave the room, then come back naked, I would take it from there. Dave left the room and came in stark naked with a hard on. His wife was taken back a bit and asked what was going on. I told her that I always fantasized about seeing those to fuck and just wanted to watch. Dave sat on the couch and it wasn't in no time that Brenda was bottomless and straddling Dave with her back facing his face. I got an excellent view of her shaved pussy and his hard cock. I suggest that he insert it into her and that she ride it. She started to do that and then I slowly went over and started to lick her clit while he was inside her. At first, she was startled, but she kept riding him and enjoying me licking her clit and trying to sneak a lick on his shaft. She had one or two orgasms and asked me to stop sucking on her clit for a few minutes as she rode him. I then worked my way down to his balls. I started to gently lick them and suck on his nut sack, because she was sensitive. I then begin to lick his balls and suck on his ball sack. I then worked my way to the base of the shaft and started to lick that. It wasn't long before Brenda came again, but Dave was only pre-cuming at that point. After Brenda came, I had her stay straddled on his lap but pulled out his 8 inch cock and began to suck on it. It wasn't long before he was shooting his hot wad in the back of my throat! I milked him dry as he grew semi- soft.
By this time, Brenda was hot again by watching her man shoot in my mouth. She wanted me to go down on her, and I looked to Dave for approval. Dave indicated that it was okay so I started to lick Brenda's clit and gently suck on the clit. The next thing I knew, Dave was behind me and gently rubbing his cock against my ass. I could hear him open up the lube and hear the lube being applied. Dave then inserted his cock inside my virgin ass (only a dildo was up there previously) slowly and then grabbed my hips and eventually started to fuck me hard. All of this while I am bringing his hot little wife to orgasm. Dave soon came in my ass and I was rock hard. He gave me permission to fuck his wife....so I did via doggie style. I was cumming in a matter of minutes! After that night, we pretended it never happened in front of his wife, but Dave and I still did the M2M thing and now added anal sex. It seems that he was fulfilling a fantasy of mine that night as well, that I forgot I mentioned to him! (and they say men don't pay attention....lol)
Bisexual Singles I am very bi... a beautiful Woman. We are looking for a woman to join us a a regular basis or even once. We leave that up to her... We both Have so many desires love to see each other with her. We hope that someday we can have a weekend long fantasy filled naked fun experience.
Forced To Suck In Public I want to be in the bathroom of a truck stop on I-10 east bound just in Miss this exy hard body trucker pushes the door open having to piss bad tells me open my legs with this semi erect cock in my face. ne sees me staring at then right when he finishes he commands me to open I do then he jams it down my throat. ts pumping grow to 9 inches I was loving every inch of his cock started to come said get up grabed my hand lead me to his truck. The rest is waiting to be completed
Men Licking Pussy While She Is Getting Fucked WHEN I FIRST GOT MARRIED MY WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE WANTED TO SWING WITH A BLACK DUDE THAT SHE WORKED WITH AT HER JOB. I WAS NOT INTO THIS BUT SHE INSISTED AND DEMANDED THAT I JOIN IN--THE FUN.. SO, BEING A SUBMISSIVE CROSS DRESSER I SAID, OK. WHEN SHE BROUGHT THE BLACK STUD TO OUR HOME MY WIFE KISSED HIM AND HE FELT HER UP RIGHT AT THE DOOR. MY WIFE TOLD HIM THAT I'M A SUB SISSY BOY AND THAT I WOULD SUCK HIS COCK TO GET HIM HARD... I HAD TO GET ON MY KNEES AND TOOK HIM IN MY MOUTH.. HE GOT HARD AND IT GREW TO 11" AS I SUCKED HIES SHAFT AND BALLS.. THEN HE FUCKED MY WIFE AND I GOT UNDER THEM AND DID MY THING EATING PUSSY AND LICKING HIS BLACK SHAFT UNTIL HE SHOT CUM INTO HER PUSSY AND I SWALLOWED AFTER HE PULLED OUT OF HER PUSSY... WHEN HE LEFT MY WIFE SAID I'M A SISSY FOR BLACK COCKS AND THAT SHE'D BRING OTHER BIG DICK STUDS FOR MORE FUN AND NEXT TIME I'D HAVE TO SUCK SEVERAL BLACK COCKS WHILE SHE WATCHED AND THEN I WOULD HAVE TO LET THEM HAVE MY ASS/PUSSY AS LONG AS THEY WANTED IT... I'M NOW A WHITE SISSIE SLUT FOR BLACK COCKS, SO IF THERE ARE MEMBERS INTO THIS-CONTACT ME!!!!
Horny At Work Ok there is a beautiful black lady at work that totally gets me hard! And me being open to anything have flirted with her 7eral times. She used to be my boss and would rub her titties on me when she wanted me to do something for her. She has grabbed my ass and I have grabbed hers also. I have went as far as to drape my hand over her shoulder and she told me that I was not far from grabbing her tit and I told her "like this" and grabbed it over her shirt. She didn't object at all and told me that she would never claim me for sexual harassment, like it was ok to do so! Now she has went thru massage school and tells me that for 65 bucks she would give me a full body massage, HMM turned on at work? To say the least! Any advise?
Shaved Cock & Balls My wife loves sucking on my balls, and Iike to think it's due to the fact that they're shaved smooth.
As far as the itching bit, I try not to shave too far into the crease between my sac and thigh, so I don't get the stubble poking into my skin. Also, my wife likes the smell down there, all sweaty and masculine (she says).
I know, if I got the chance, that I'd prefer a guy's balls be shaved if I were to suck on them...
Men Sucking Dick While Woman Watch I don't have a wife, but I'd be happy to suck one or more s whail being watched by their wives watch. Better yet, I'd love to suck one or more s with the wife choreographs, orchestrates and directs the whole event.
Married for 14 years, our kids are grown and on their own and now its our time. Wife 47 husband 41. We are very sexual and very comfortable. Wife is very out going, husband is a little reserved until he gets to know you. We have had a few encounters together with couples, females and straight males we both have had experiences before we were together. We would like to meet couples to have fun with, straight or bisexual, would like to meet a bisexual male in relationship or single to introduce husband all the way to the experience. thank you
We are a married couple that been in to swinging for 25 years. Wife likes to have three-some MFM and give oral. Husband likes to watch is wife giving head and fucking other guys while he mastrubates. Wife likes to watch her husband give head to another man.while she mastrubates. We both like outdoor actitives and living in Hawaii we can injoy sex indoors or out.
Hi! I have been away from this site for a couple of years but now I'm back. I'm an older bi-male and enjoy company of both sexes. I'm looking for all that care to have fun with an older bi-man. Would like a couple (but not limited to) where the wife knows the husband is bi. I enjoy all things sexual that does not conflict with my partner(s) likes and dislikes.
****WE DON'T CAM****Please read our complete profile before emailing us! We don't want to waste your time or ours. You can not just have one person... we come together so if you just want only one of us you need to move on please...She will only play with a female and her mind will not be changed no matter how hard you try. She wants to watch. We Have become very good at figuring people out and that's why we are very cautious. We are y and fun. D&D free so protection is always a must... Shaved females only please (She has an issue with hair)...also if you are being dishonest about your lifestyle to a husband, wife or significant other please move on we consider that cheating no matter what the reasons. Please do not email us with stupid requests..."Can your wife "F" me with a strap on" or "Lets Screw" we don't know you at all so its not going to happen.... its a waste of our time and yours. Also if you only have "dick pics" (they are fun but say nothing about you) or pictures of half of a couple please move on that is a big red flag for us..... We are open and honest and to the point and we are both go with the flow kind of people. We love meeting new people and letting loose.
Ok, time to re-write, because no one apparently reads anything once they see your pics. I'll leave the way this was originally written below so you can not only understand what I'm looking for, but understand my frustration. FIRST, IF YOU SEND ME YOUR VERY FIRST E-MAIL AND IT CONTAINS YOUR PHONE NUMBER, THAT TELLS ME YOU'RE COMPLETELY INDISCRIMINATE. ANYONE BEING CAUTIOUS IS NOT GOING TO DOLE OUT THEIR NUMBER TO JUST ANYONE. SECOND, IF YOU'RE STAYING IN A LOCAL MOTEL AND SEND ME YOUR FIRST E-MAIL IN THE HOPES I WILL RUN RIGHT OVER TO A STRANGER'S MOTEL ROOM AND SUCK YOU OFF, YOU ARE INDISCRIMINATE AND MOST LIKELY YOUR HORNINESS HAS CLOUDED YOUR BETTER JUDGEMENT. LASTLY, PLEASE READ A TINY BIT OF WHAT I'VE WRITTEN. CLEARLY FROM WHAT I'VE WROTE, YOU HAVE A GOOD IDEA AS TO WHAT I'M INTERESTED IN AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO WITH YOU. SO E-MAILS THAT TELL ME HOW BAD YOU WANT TO SUCK ME, CLEARLY STATE YOU HAVEN'T READ ANYTHING. PLEASE GUYS, I KNOW THERE'S ONE GUY OUT THERE TO BE FOUND, IT CAN'T BE THIS BAD. IF WE CONNECT, I PROMISE I WILL ORALLY WORSHIP AND ADORE YOUR COCK AND SWALLOW EVERY DROP OF YOUR CUM AS IF IT WERE THE ONLY COCK ON EARTH. BUT PLEASE, LET'S DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR BOTH OUR SAKES. BEING MARRIED AND TRYING TO FULFILL MY FANTASIES ON THE SLY, THERE IS NO ROOM FOR INDISCRETION OR CARRYING HOME A DISEASE I CANNOT EXPLAIN AWAY. READ AND LET'S HAVE SOME HOT FUN, THERE HAS TO BE ONE OF YOU OUT THERE!! Here's the original text below, I think it's clear:
I am married, bi-curious, EXTREMELY clean, discreet, sane and disease free. Found recently that wearing lingerie adds to my feminine/submissive fantasy. Looking for one sane guy, preferably married, to submit to / orally service to completion on a regular basis. No reciprocation necessary. No desire for emotional attachments, multiple partners or changing my home life...just one guy to meet regularly to service, that is clean, sane and disease free.
DRAMA FREE!!! My wife is totally into this, this lifestyle and sex life so that makes everything so much easier!!! I am a freak and very kinky. Absolutely love nice asses. We both love to explore the female body with our tongues so show us where to start. If you can suck a dick good, trust me my wife and I can eat your pussy better.
I am a very dedicated man and committed husband who is very curious due to my relationship with my spouse. My wife is a drop dead sexy very well curved in right places black woman with very big black nipples and is very orgasmic that loves being taken by a hung black man. She loves the idea of a sexy slow soft encounter with a woman. She wants to see me suck a big black dick. She wants to see me get taken by a big dick as he slams it to me. She wants to see him suck my cock also. She wants me to put his clock in her pussy and lick her clit while he is buried deep in her. She wants me to lick and suck up his cum out of her when he has exploded deep in her. She wants me to make love to his big long and thick dick.
I am a married man looking for a man to develop a relationship with. I am bisexual and would like to meet another guy. My wife is into watching me and another guy get it on and hopes I can find a guy to develop a relationship with. She is also open to perhaps sharing in the experience with me if the situation was ideal. We are professionals and have a diverse array of interests and friends. I am looking for a down to earth guy who is serious about fostering a friendship with me and is willing to go slow to eventually incorporate my wife. I would not be interested in one night stand types. We enjoy going out and like many forms of entertainment. We are down to earth people who are discret and completely disease free. We would like only the same to reply.
We are fit and fun loving. Our favorite pastimes are motorcycling, karate, and just having fun together with a female bisexual/bi-curious friend. We like to explore threesomes, to include me, my wife, and another bisexual/bi-curious female. My wife is dominent in her female relationships. We are looking for a regular partner that we can share some good times with at our home and other activities we enjoy. We also enjoy a good dinner and glass of wine together. We are 420 friendly. We are both very sensitive to our guest's needs and desires and want her to enjoy her time with us. So if you're looking for a place to escape, enjoy yourself, and just hang out with some fun people, please contact us. Take care and have a great day. Kimone & Dr. Mike
We are funloving, honest, down to earth couple. Hubby is more outgoing while wife is a bit on the shy side though she is opening up on many levels!! Honesty is a huge thing with us!!!!!!!! we are honest therefore we expect honesty back!!! Wife has a loving heart that cares for everyone and everything, very compassionate woman!! She has a large heart with alot of love and attention to give. We treat everyone with kindness, this is as we wish to be treated. We have had some chats with people who are fake and liars this is why we choose to chat and get to know people before any type of meeting. PLEASE respect US and we will RESPECT YOU! We DO NOT believe in playing mind games with people! It's completely wrong and we won't stand for it.
I a married man. and I just love sites like this. I enjoy the naughty and nasty chats with others who enjoy this as well. I find it quit the turn on showing off my " naughty, nasty and dirty " side for others. I have always liked getting naked for the camera. I also love taking slutty pics of my wife. and sending them, and sharing them with others. another thing I find a huge turn on. is geting pics sent back to me of my wife from someone who has photoshoped them. I also love to play with other cocks as well. I hope we can find the time to have some fun together..............
" YOUR SYBERSEX FUCK TOY SLUT "
WYOCOCK . . . . . . . . .
I am a married woman to a very understanding and supportive husband. I met his friends and everyone gave me the impression that his friends wife was also interested in women, but then when her and I started talking she tells me that she doesn't even like sex with her husband and she truely doesn't like oral; giving or receiving. (needless to say, I read her free and clear, and I respected her for her honesty)
Here is where the confusion part comes into play, then she tells she she is curious. I told her that I had told my husband that all I wanted for my birthday was for him to get a hotel room for us and a female for me to explore. I was very honest with her about my desires to be with another woman.
My question is, at first she tells me she doesn't like sex and then she tells she she is curious. So many mixed signals. What do I do?
Hello all, my name is Sam and I would like to know how others deal with the green demon.
Here's the jist of it.
Recently, my wife of ten years met a great woman and they got together. I tried not to be jealous, but had to deal with it anyway. I ended up driving the other woman away. I didn't mean to but my wife tells me that I wasn't the only deciding factor in her leaving. So, here I am, wanting to be the loving husband I am and not the jealous phallus I was. I really am in this for her happiness, but feelings I didn't think would come up, did. So how do I cope? What to do next. Though I would like to partake, I didn't ask to be made part of their fun. My wife told me to give her and the other woman time to get comfortable as she was doing things that she had never done before and was plenty nervous. This was my wife's first experience with another woman and it finally sank in for her that she is bi. Any suggestions? Input?
My wife, (22 yrs, 5' 4", 110lbs) has been looking for a female for quite some time to become her special friend. I will watch only unless you want more. As you can see in the pic I've added she is quite lovely. Please, no lesbians that want me to leave, or bi females that want me to leave. And absolutely NO MALES OF ANY KIND!!! I don't know of any other way to make it more clear that my wife is only interested bi females, NOT GUYS. For some reason guys will respond anyway. You have no idea how much of a turnoff that is for a woman. Guys, NO MEANS NO...respect a woman's right to decided who she wants to be with. If you are a guy and are married to a hot bi female, she will meet you guys BUT SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN BEING WITH THE HUSBAND AT ALL. We can watch but that's it.
Hi me and my husband would like to kick it and have a few drinks with a female only I possibly might want her to drop to her knees and choke down my husband's big cock.... I will probably join in too help if he tells me to..
A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it.
Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.
"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"
"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.
Mistress (wife) seeks sub bi man for oral play with husband only. There will be no sex with wife, no touching, and no talking to wife unless spoken to directly. I will be directing the action between you and my husband ONLY. You will be expected to suck his cock, swallow his cum, and he will be forced to do the same to you. You will be told to crawl and beg, lick my shoes etc. I want to order you two to do nasty dirty things to each other. My husband will be ordered to service me during playtime, you must watch. Be sane, clean, ddf! Email us if your interested. P.s. You may be forced to prove that your are truly bisexual.
one night a husband and wife are sitting at home enjoying tv the husband is eatting peanuts throwing one after another in the air catching them in his mouth. he threw one up as his wife called him and he turn his attention to her and the peanut when into his ear. he tried to get it out with his finger but it slid farther into his ear. his wife tried with twesiers but the peanut slid even farther.they decided to go to the hospital when their daughter and her boyfriend came home and found out what was going on. the boyfriend said let me try my trick if it doesn't work then go to the hospital the husband saya ok and sat down.the boyfriend explained that he was going to put his fingers in his nose and then he needed to blow as hard as he can. so they tried it the boyfriend put his fingers in the husbands nose and he blew as hard as he could and the peanut shot out of his ear. everybody was so happy the husband and wife began to watch tv again while their daughter and her boyfriend went into the kitchen. what a nice boy said the wife i wonder what he's going to be then her husband says by the smell of his finger our son in-law
Searching for a sexy naughty experienced female for wife's first time. Must have big tits and ass. Wife is extremely naughty and wants husband to play too. Must love to eat pussy have clit teased and fucked as same time as wife and love to Lick husband's cum of wife's pussy
He looks like he is trainable, but he needs work on taking the whole cock. wife must masturbate while husband gets fucked than she must clean my cock with her mouth. Husband I have a butt plug you will wear when I am not there because I am out with your wife fuking
I have been working with "PJ" for over a year now. We have become like best friends and talk about everything. We also travel together a couple of times a year for our job. He leaves his wife home with the kids and I leave my husband home with the kids and we go and have a great time together. He has been having trouble with his other half for a while now but does not want to leave her because of the kids, money, and he still loves her. I can't get him out of my head and want to screw him so bad that I have started to dream about it. We are going away again to a beautiful resort in Mexico in 6 weeks and I would like nothing better than to spend 3 nights together, but I am worried about our friendship and working relationship. I don't want anything more than just some occasional sex from him. How do I approach him about it? Has anyone been in this situation before? Thanks!
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'pussycat.'
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.
A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's' pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door.
A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just canít wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station.
"Honey!" he says, "youíre not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and itís so great. When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear. When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck. When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck." He excitedly tells his wife. Triumphantly he says, Weíre going to do the same thing for our sex life! When Bell #1 goes off we are going to strip naked. When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed. When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out. Letís give a test run. OK, ready? "Bell #1!" (they strip naked) Bell #2!" (they hop into bed) "Bell #3!" (they start screwing there brains out) a couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!".
The husband confused says,"Bell #4, Whatís that?"
The wife screams "More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the fire!!!"
We are looking for a bisexual or bicurious woman to join us in a and possibly some 1 on 1 play time with me. Are you out there? It doesn't have to be a single female......it can also be one who is married and her husband doesnt mind her playing alone but assure your husband/spouse that there will be no penetrationg from my husband unless everyone has talked about it and agreed on it in the beginning.
Email us or leave us a message here if interested. We are ready to play!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
============================== ============================== ==========
What did the Dracula say to his teacher?
See you next Period!
Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank.
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch.
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A little kid walks into a city bus for a Halloween night and sits right
behind the driver and starts yelling: ''If my dad was a ghost and my
mom a ghost, I'd be a little ghost.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with:
''If my dad was an dracula and my mom a dracula, I would be a little
The kid goes on with a devil, witch, demon until the bus driver gets
angry and yells at the kid:
''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says: ''I would be a bus driver!''
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One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most
adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the
biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The
woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!"
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her
husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go
ahead honey say it just one more time."
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just
the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat
Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the
little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman
and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my fucking
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A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in
a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the
store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and
there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband
yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard
of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else
I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume
and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes
to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a man
costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you
doing? Have you ever heard of a black man? Take this back
and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the
husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed
are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the
second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The
husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the
three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino.
If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on
and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can
shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
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