Women Watching Men Suck Dick I live in Palm Springs area and am ready and willing and love sucking a man's cock while his wife watches and encourages us. I have a regular couple I service. She dresses him in panties and has him beg me to suck his cock. She tells us what she wants us to do, and how. Then she let's him fuck her while i am under them licking them both. When he cums I clean his cock while she holds his cum in her pussy, then she sits on my face and I lap up her cunt and clean her completely. If I do a good job cleaning his wonderful prick, he sometimes gets another hard on and she tells him to fuck me with his fat cock. Has taken me awhile to accomadate his girth, but I can now. She tells me to jerk off while he does it and tell her how much i like it when her husband fucks me.
A few weeks ago they invited me over and they had some out of town guests. I was introduced as the cum sucker for the evening and I spent the night on the floor, under the table, sucking cocks and eating pussies while they chatted and ate dinner. Delicious dinner, i must say!
Handjobs There is 1 thing that all men do since they were 8 yrs old.That is beating their meat.Its even in the cards before the 1rst french kiss.If aman says he don't stroke it ,leave him alone for 2 weeks!Now stroking another mans cock would leave him cumming in my hand,what a waste when my throaght is waiting
Polyamory I have a poly relationship that has no sex involved (yet). My ex High School Girlfriend contacted me and she and I are growing together. She is married and her husband approves. It has been hinted that he is bisexual, but I do believe that he does not want to scare me off. I have met him a few weeks ago and he seemed very nervous. She still loves me and loves him as well. She will not leave him and I do not want her to. So I guess that you could say that she is the one that is poly (??). Anyway... feel free to ask questions, I never thought anything like this could happen to me.
Bang My Wife I was out at a Country bar one evening with this married couple that I had met at this bar a few months ago. It was a normal night and not much was happening. The guy had went to the hroom and when he left, his wife whispered to me that he had given her permission to take me home with them and fuck me, if I was into that kind of thing. She said that he wasn't sure of what my reaction would be, so she was tasked with asking me. I said that I would be okay with it if her hubby was. When he came back, she went to the Restroom and we talked. I told him what she had said and that I was okay with it if he was. He smiled and said that he was totally cool with it. He confided that he was also submissive. We agreed to pay our tab and go to their house.
I was more excited then them because I am very closet "bi" and this was my opportunity to push the limits. Given my conversation with the husband, I had a feeling that I could get some cock myself if I played it right.
We got to their house and those two started kissing. I went over and started kissing his wife. After a while of heavy petting, she suggested we all go into the bedroom and get naked! One in the bedroom, I laid her on her back and started to lick her pussy and suck on her clit. She was soaked and I swear she must have came within seconds after my tongue was inserted in her snatch. After about 10 minutes of pussy eating, I told her husband to come over and taste how good she was. He dove right in! I then started to work on her tits and straddled her face to fuck her mouth. Her husband was still eating her out and watching me fuck his wife's face from behind. I then told him to stay at the foot of the bed and I slid down and stuck my cock inside her wet, warm snatch. I told her husband to stay on the floor at the foot of the bed and watch as I fucked his wife. That would be a hot view for him. After about 5 or 10 minutes of fucking her, I got off and slid to the foot of the bed and told her husband that I wanted him to taste how good his wife was. He started to slid up to eat her pussy but I stopped him and said that I wanted him to lick her juices off my cock. He hesitated for a moment, looked up at her, and receiving a wink from her, engulfed my cock with his mouth. After a few minutes of this, I stopped him so I could once again fuck his wife. As I was fucking her, he stood up on the bed and said that I was now going to taste how good he tasted, and stuck his cock in my mouth. I wanted to concentrate on blowing him, so we switched positions so I laid on my back, his wife on top fucking me, and he straddled my chest and was fucking my face.
It wasn't long before he was fucking my face hard and shooting a nice warm load of semen in my mouth! All along, his wife is riding my hard cock and having orgasm after orgasm. It wasn't long before I shot my load deep inside of her. Afterwards, we laid there for a few minutes. When I noticed that her husband was hard again. I told him that it was time he tasted my load. So, I made him go down on his wife and eat her snatch while I blew him again!
We all were satisfied many times that evening. I even watched him fuck his a wife that night and we both fucked her a few times.
We haven't done it again yet, but we still hang out at the same bar and I can tell they are still interested. That was two weeks ago so I am rushing it? lol
Women Teaching Men How To Suck Cock Would like to find a couple in the Detroit Mi area. How about the wife sucking my cock while I suck the husband, mimicking her every move? The best way to learn is through doing and experience is the best teacher, right?
Men Getting Fucked By Women THIS is my ultimate bisexual fantasy. I want to be sucking hubby's pussy wetted cock as his wife or her playmate fucks me in the ass with a strapon. PLEASE fuck me in the ass as lady as I suck your husband or BF's cock...PLEASE!
Couples Who Eat Cum Like to feel the goodness bubbling out, splashing against the back of my throat as he tells me what a wonderful cocksucker I am. Then its my turn to feed him as my balls empty into him
Females Who Use Strap-ons on Males I'd like to find a couple )MF) in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area who enjoys strap-ons as I do. I'd love for her to shove that strap=on cock up my ass while I fucked her husband in the ass or sucked him off or he could suck me off as well. Then I'd like to take her in the ass while she did her husband or boyfriend.
Threesomes My husband and I are looking for another female to come play with us... Never been with another female so I'm ready to let my husband teach me to lick and finger another female. Anyone near us willing to help us out?
Suck My Husbands Cock I Suck Your Husband"s VERY Rock Hard COCK For You as You Watch Me Go Down On Him ---> Just ask me to Any Time ? ? ? in Philly PA Write to me and Let"s Get Your Husband"s COCK VERY SUCKED ON ...(^_^(?...
Hooking mmmm we play this in vegas it is sooo fuckin hot hvin all the guys at da bar hitin on me nd tellin me how they wanna fuck me nd my tits ?? then my man cum nd tell me sum thing in my ear nd we leave wit all tha otrhers just lookin )
Yarn Crafts I find knitting to be very relaxing. I left an extremely stressful job a couple of months ago. Knitting is the only thing that kept me sane. I was doing it every night and I even started doing it at lunch time in my car. I was so happy to leave that place.
Married for 14 years, our kids are grown and on their own and now its our time. Wife 47 husband 41. We are very sexual and very comfortable. Wife is very out going, husband is a little reserved until he gets to know you. We have had a few encounters together with couples, females and straight males we both have had experiences before we were together. We would like to meet couples to have fun with, straight or bisexual, would like to meet a bisexual male in relationship or single to introduce husband all the way to the experience. thank you
We are both Sporty, Fit we go to the gym 5/6 times a week Educated well kept people, like to eat out, London Shows, travel. Loking for a fit lady to entertain wife Bi fantasy, and letting Husband watch and join in
I shared my wife with another man for over 20 years. During most of that time, I was a submissive cleanup boy and helper during their sessions. I came to enjoy this role very much and learned to love sucking his cock and cleaning up the mess he left in my wife's cunt. Though we are still happily married my wife doesn't entertain him any longer and won't consider anyone new. I would like to meet a couple who would like my oral services or a man who would like his cock serviced on a regular basis. I also have videos of my wife sucking and fucking and me helping to share with you.
Hi! I have been away from this site for a couple of years but now I'm back. I'm an older bi-male and enjoy company of both sexes. I'm looking for all that care to have fun with an older bi-man. Would like a couple (but not limited to) where the wife knows the husband is bi. I enjoy all things sexual that does not conflict with my partner(s) likes and dislikes.
****WE DON'T CAM****Please read our complete profile before emailing us! We don't want to waste your time or ours. You can not just have one person... we come together so if you just want only one of us you need to move on please...She will only play with a female and her mind will not be changed no matter how hard you try. She wants to watch. We Have become very good at figuring people out and that's why we are very cautious. We are y and fun. D&D free so protection is always a must... Shaved females only please (She has an issue with hair)...also if you are being dishonest about your lifestyle to a husband, wife or significant other please move on we consider that cheating no matter what the reasons. Please do not email us with stupid requests..."Can your wife "F" me with a strap on" or "Lets Screw" we don't know you at all so its not going to happen.... its a waste of our time and yours. Also if you only have "dick pics" (they are fun but say nothing about you) or pictures of half of a couple please move on that is a big red flag for us..... We are open and honest and to the point and we are both go with the flow kind of people. We love meeting new people and letting loose.
40yo mwm that is bisexual and out to wife only. 5'10" 200 # looking for other bi men for myself and possible 3 somes or moresomes with my wife as well but only if we really hit it off well. im masculine, but like to ocasionally wear panties, im an avid outdoorsman. really looking for someone that i can be with in and out of bed.
what to know more??? just ask!
***********UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!!!: a relationship with an older woman that my wife and i just loved has come to an end due to her getting married and we would love to find a wonderful woman or couple to help fill the void.
Ok, time to re-write, because no one apparently reads anything once they see your pics. I'll leave the way this was originally written below so you can not only understand what I'm looking for, but understand my frustration. FIRST, IF YOU SEND ME YOUR VERY FIRST E-MAIL AND IT CONTAINS YOUR PHONE NUMBER, THAT TELLS ME YOU'RE COMPLETELY INDISCRIMINATE. ANYONE BEING CAUTIOUS IS NOT GOING TO DOLE OUT THEIR NUMBER TO JUST ANYONE. SECOND, IF YOU'RE STAYING IN A LOCAL MOTEL AND SEND ME YOUR FIRST E-MAIL IN THE HOPES I WILL RUN RIGHT OVER TO A STRANGER'S MOTEL ROOM AND SUCK YOU OFF, YOU ARE INDISCRIMINATE AND MOST LIKELY YOUR HORNINESS HAS CLOUDED YOUR BETTER JUDGEMENT. LASTLY, PLEASE READ A TINY BIT OF WHAT I'VE WRITTEN. CLEARLY FROM WHAT I'VE WROTE, YOU HAVE A GOOD IDEA AS TO WHAT I'M INTERESTED IN AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO WITH YOU. SO E-MAILS THAT TELL ME HOW BAD YOU WANT TO SUCK ME, CLEARLY STATE YOU HAVEN'T READ ANYTHING. PLEASE GUYS, I KNOW THERE'S ONE GUY OUT THERE TO BE FOUND, IT CAN'T BE THIS BAD. IF WE CONNECT, I PROMISE I WILL ORALLY WORSHIP AND ADORE YOUR COCK AND SWALLOW EVERY DROP OF YOUR CUM AS IF IT WERE THE ONLY COCK ON EARTH. BUT PLEASE, LET'S DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR BOTH OUR SAKES. BEING MARRIED AND TRYING TO FULFILL MY FANTASIES ON THE SLY, THERE IS NO ROOM FOR INDISCRETION OR CARRYING HOME A DISEASE I CANNOT EXPLAIN AWAY. READ AND LET'S HAVE SOME HOT FUN, THERE HAS TO BE ONE OF YOU OUT THERE!! Here's the original text below, I think it's clear:
I am married, bi-curious, EXTREMELY clean, discreet, sane and disease free. Found recently that wearing lingerie adds to my feminine/submissive fantasy. Looking for one sane guy, preferably married, to submit to / orally service to completion on a regular basis. No reciprocation necessary. No desire for emotional attachments, multiple partners or changing my home life...just one guy to meet regularly to service, that is clean, sane and disease free.
I am cocky punk that hates the fact that I am a cocksucker....but most guys get off on dominating me and using me like a Times Square whore and cumming on my face which I hate even more but I have come realize that nobody cares what I like and the more I tell guys not to humiliate me or cum on my face the more they do it! I hate it yet I can't keep from wrapping my lips around another guys cock...especially if he tells me to. So, if you're a dominant verbal guy that wants to paste my face and put me in my place....hit me up!
We are both dirty blondes depending on the amount of time in the sun. I have green eyes, my husband has blue. I am built like a gymnast and my husband is a wiry athletic build. We are both very healthy and love sports as well as sex. We are happily married but as you all know it is difficult for couples to maintain the same sexual desire all the time.
I love sex and prefer vaginal missionary with some variations. I am multi orgasmic and nothing else seems to hit the spot like the aforementioned plus once I orgasm about the 5th time I am good to go for a few weeks. My husband desires sex more often and would love to have a lot more variety so I am exploring our options. I have added some anal play and we are going from there. I am interested in learning about anal play for my husband. I have a lot to learn and need help getting there. I want to find ways to help him find pleasure without needing intercourse and oral with me all the time. Anal play on him seems to be the best option based on the research I have discovered as to how good it can feel for men. I would like to find a progression from the beginning to bring him to orgasms even teach him to pleasure himself for additional sexual time. Do you have any such material, direction, or guidance? What steps do I take? How quickly does one progress in this situation, how does one encourage their husband to explore themself? How can I add variety of play to this? What are my options?
We are a happily married, extremely sensual/sexual, easy going and very down to earth couple, looking to meet other friendly, open minded couples for friendship and fun. We are looking to make new friends and have new adventures with other couples. We are a Full Swap Couple same room or separate room. No Pressure, We go with the flow.
Both clean shaven. Please leave all Drama at the door. We just want fun!!!
100% clean and expect you to be DD Free also. Plz be Non smoking during play.
We are pretty much open to all activities, but can discuss when we chat/meet.
Let us know your interests and boundaries etc. We love most everything, but if you enjoy performing oral, let us know because she LOVES that! Of course we both love fucking too!!! We both love all types of people and body shapes of all sizes.
Ohhh, wife would love to receive a sensual/sexual full body massage.
Just be down to earth, regular, happy, positive attitude couple that really enjoy pleasing others as well as being pleased
Looks do not matter, it's our chemistry!
We LOVE being invited to private group parties & fun get togethers.
Must appreciate a busty BBW (40H)
Younger thirties guy interested in older men and women over 55. Would love a three way with an older daddy /grandpa and his wife. Or just one on one with an older man or woman would be great. Any older men out there want a younger guy to play with? Or any couples out there need a good hard cock to satisfy you and your wife's needs? I am very mature, clean, told I am good looking, safe and can be as discreet as you want. Lets play!
J (in C's words): J is by far ahead of the game. she has this appetite to make men and women happy...And when she does, it is something that guys and gals will come back for on the REGULAR. Her hair flows like a soft calm river, her skin is as smooth as a plush mound of soft grass...hell..she is FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! Everything she does is on time and she will do her best to make sure you go home happy...if you go home. She is the epitome of sex and sexxxiness. Her thick juicy ass is one that demands attention from men and women alike. ing her lips will have you mesmorized as you don't want to stop...Pull her hair and wait for the biggest suprise you can feel....I know I have...
C (in J's words): He is the most sexy, soft, and pleasing person. He is one of a kind the kind of man that makes sure your happy in every way and .... SORRY DICK INSIDE ME .... and gives you what you want and how you want it.... 100% PLEASER!!!!!! MMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM C makes a smack feel toooo toooo good!!!! enough to make you leak and leave you with red butt!!!! He knows just what to do and is GRRREATTTT at doing it!!!!! everything he does and what cums to his mind is the best feeling you will ever be left with. HIS soft lips make your skin and body feel oh soooooo good, as well as his touch. He will always I MEAN always have the ladies cumming back for more and more and MORE!!! AMAZZZZZZING is what I would say. His soft skin JUICY B and big sexxxxiii smile will keep women asking him not to leave their side. Thinking about him has left me speechless and there's nothing more to say then SEE FOR YOUR SELF.
6ft tall light frame 36 inch waist, about 200lbs. I have a full head of hair which is salt and pepper. I wear glasses and have a neatly trimmed beard. At this point in the paragraph is where the men out there usually boast or exaggerate about their penis size... all I can say is that I am very thick and never had problems or complaints from any woman. I can no longer produce children. I am a private person and at the same time, I am outgoing. I do enjoy making people laugh. I would like to become friends with a couple and eventually meet a woman that likes this lifestyle as well. My biggest fantasy is to either help a woman with oral pleasure with another guy (I also want to give head) or I will use my mouth to please them while they are sexually "coupled". I am mixed at the moral issue because my upbringing tells me no... but it sexually excites me so.
We are very Clean, Discreet, but Uninhibited and accept nothing less from our "Friends and Playmates"! We're smoke free and only drink socially. Not into loud partying. We prefer (D,D,D free people) who are erotic, passionate and sensual and like us, enjoy encounters that leave everyone wanting more! If we do meet but don't clique, we can still be friends.
I am a married woman to a very understanding and supportive husband. I met his friends and everyone gave me the impression that his friends wife was also interested in women, but then when her and I started talking she tells me that she doesn't even like sex with her husband and she truely doesn't like oral; giving or receiving. (needless to say, I read her free and clear, and I respected her for her honesty)
Here is where the confusion part comes into play, then she tells she she is curious. I told her that I had told my husband that all I wanted for my birthday was for him to get a hotel room for us and a female for me to explore. I was very honest with her about my desires to be with another woman.
My question is, at first she tells me she doesn't like sex and then she tells she she is curious. So many mixed signals. What do I do?
Hello all, my name is Sam and I would like to know how others deal with the green demon.
Here's the jist of it.
Recently, my wife of ten years met a great woman and they got together. I tried not to be jealous, but had to deal with it anyway. I ended up driving the other woman away. I didn't mean to but my wife tells me that I wasn't the only deciding factor in her leaving. So, here I am, wanting to be the loving husband I am and not the jealous phallus I was. I really am in this for her happiness, but feelings I didn't think would come up, did. So how do I cope? What to do next. Though I would like to partake, I didn't ask to be made part of their fun. My wife told me to give her and the other woman time to get comfortable as she was doing things that she had never done before and was plenty nervous. This was my wife's first experience with another woman and it finally sank in for her that she is bi. Any suggestions? Input?
My wife, (22 yrs, 5' 4", 110lbs) has been looking for a female for quite some time to become her special friend. I will watch only unless you want more. As you can see in the pic I've added she is quite lovely. Please, no lesbians that want me to leave, or bi females that want me to leave. And absolutely NO MALES OF ANY KIND!!! I don't know of any other way to make it more clear that my wife is only interested bi females, NOT GUYS. For some reason guys will respond anyway. You have no idea how much of a turnoff that is for a woman. Guys, NO MEANS NO...respect a woman's right to decided who she wants to be with. If you are a guy and are married to a hot bi female, she will meet you guys BUT SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN BEING WITH THE HUSBAND AT ALL. We can watch but that's it.
A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it.
Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.
"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"
"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.
Mistress (wife) seeks sub bi man for oral play with husband only. There will be no sex with wife, no touching, and no talking to wife unless spoken to directly. I will be directing the action between you and my husband ONLY. You will be expected to suck his cock, swallow his cum, and he will be forced to do the same to you. You will be told to crawl and beg, lick my shoes etc. I want to order you two to do nasty dirty things to each other. My husband will be ordered to service me during playtime, you must watch. Be sane, clean, ddf! Email us if your interested. P.s. You may be forced to prove that your are truly bisexual.
one night a husband and wife are sitting at home enjoying tv the husband is eatting peanuts throwing one after another in the air catching them in his mouth. he threw one up as his wife called him and he turn his attention to her and the peanut when into his ear. he tried to get it out with his finger but it slid farther into his ear. his wife tried with twesiers but the peanut slid even farther.they decided to go to the hospital when their daughter and her boyfriend came home and found out what was going on. the boyfriend said let me try my trick if it doesn't work then go to the hospital the husband saya ok and sat down.the boyfriend explained that he was going to put his fingers in his nose and then he needed to blow as hard as he can. so they tried it the boyfriend put his fingers in the husbands nose and he blew as hard as he could and the peanut shot out of his ear. everybody was so happy the husband and wife began to watch tv again while their daughter and her boyfriend went into the kitchen. what a nice boy said the wife i wonder what he's going to be then her husband says by the smell of his finger our son in-law
He looks like he is trainable, but he needs work on taking the whole cock. wife must masturbate while husband gets fucked than she must clean my cock with her mouth. Husband I have a butt plug you will wear when I am not there because I am out with your wife fuking
I have been working with "PJ" for over a year now. We have become like best friends and talk about everything. We also travel together a couple of times a year for our job. He leaves his wife home with the kids and I leave my husband home with the kids and we go and have a great time together. He has been having trouble with his other half for a while now but does not want to leave her because of the kids, money, and he still loves her. I can't get him out of my head and want to screw him so bad that I have started to dream about it. We are going away again to a beautiful resort in Mexico in 6 weeks and I would like nothing better than to spend 3 nights together, but I am worried about our friendship and working relationship. I don't want anything more than just some occasional sex from him. How do I approach him about it? Has anyone been in this situation before? Thanks!
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'pussycat.'
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.
A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's' pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door.
A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just canít wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station.
"Honey!" he says, "youíre not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and itís so great. When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear. When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck. When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck." He excitedly tells his wife. Triumphantly he says, Weíre going to do the same thing for our sex life! When Bell #1 goes off we are going to strip naked. When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed. When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out. Letís give a test run. OK, ready? "Bell #1!" (they strip naked) Bell #2!" (they hop into bed) "Bell #3!" (they start screwing there brains out) a couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!".
The husband confused says,"Bell #4, Whatís that?"
The wife screams "More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the fire!!!"
We are looking for a bisexual or bicurious woman to join us in a and possibly some 1 on 1 play time with me. Are you out there? It doesn't have to be a single female......it can also be one who is married and her husband doesnt mind her playing alone but assure your husband/spouse that there will be no penetrationg from my husband unless everyone has talked about it and agreed on it in the beginning.
Email us or leave us a message here if interested. We are ready to play!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
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What did the Dracula say to his teacher?
See you next Period!
Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank.
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch.
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A little kid walks into a city bus for a Halloween night and sits right
behind the driver and starts yelling: ''If my dad was a ghost and my
mom a ghost, I'd be a little ghost.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with:
''If my dad was an dracula and my mom a dracula, I would be a little
The kid goes on with a devil, witch, demon until the bus driver gets
angry and yells at the kid:
''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says: ''I would be a bus driver!''
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One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most
adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the
biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The
woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!"
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her
husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go
ahead honey say it just one more time."
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just
the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat
Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the
little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman
and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my fucking
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A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in
a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the
store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and
there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband
yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard
of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else
I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume
and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes
to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a man
costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you
doing? Have you ever heard of a black man? Take this back
and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the
husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed
are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the
second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The
husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the
three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino.
If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on
and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can
shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir," says the customer, " but I am blind and can't read
the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll
smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks
over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork.
He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man
puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks, as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just
happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great.
I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Walking away in
disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him
and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's
going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him
coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this
fork around inside the front of your panties before I take it to the
blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
"Hey, I didn't know Mary worked here!"
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