chefboyardee
Hi, I am sorry if this issue is a downer for anyone, but I wanted to get your thoughts on it if you're willing as it is something I am struggling with. My situation: I love and respect my wife and I am grateful she is ok with my bra and panty wearing ways. Lots of guys are not so lucky. She did say, however, that she is not okay with me having sex with others. I don't know what her specific objections are. I didn't;t ask her at the time. I thought then that I would be able to live within her boundaries. And so far I have, but I am weakening, especially since joining this site. Our sex life is close to non-existent. She doesn't; have any interest in sex and, for reasons I understand she doesn't want anything from me in the way or oral or manual pleasure. She just doesn't;t have any sex drive. (In the past she was sometimes frisky when she had too much to drink, but that was a turn off for me.) The extent of our sex life now is that once every week or so she tries to help me masturbate. She'll suck my dick for maybe two or three minutes and then it's up to me. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, whereas I can usually come while looking at porn. I know that I have no right to expect her to have more interest in sex than she does, but I can't help feeling that it's unfair of her to look elsewhere for what she can't or won;t give me. So I have three choices: 1. Live with it. 2. Sneak around and lie. Or 3. Talk to her and try to get her to change her mind. Three might seem to be the obvious and mature choice, but it would be one uncomfortable conversation with the likely result being anger and resentment lasting for a long time. From a utilitarian point of view, assuming I never got caught, the least painful choice would be two, sneaking around and lying, where the only negatives are the guilt and the risk of being found out. Perhaps the 4th option is to stick with video sex, which she might not be as opposed to as physical sex. But it's not what I want. Anyway, longe enough. Any thoughts? Thanks.

26486
I get it on down the road so to speak

Strtcur30
Don’t cheat, it’s not worth all the negatives that come with it. Communication is key in a relationship, I would at least start to have some sort of more in depth talk about your needs and see where it goes

chefboyardee
Thanks for the reply. I think you are right and I need to have the conversation again. Trying not to rock the boat, but that's not always a good solution.

yourcockinmymouth
Coming from a woman first how old is your wife because it could be hormonal, second perhaps the fact that you wear bras and panties is a turn off for her. Third have you tried to make her feel special did something for her that she would never have expected from you? You mentioned her being a bit tipsy bothered you so maybe something you do is a turn off for her. You both need to communicate and figure it out and turn that couple minutes of sucking your cock into hours of sucking and fucking it's worth a try luck

BiDocAndVixie
I do not recommend cheating but I get it. I did it. My late wife and I were very much in love for 26 years. We had a great sex life for a couple of years. But then, probably because she felt very safe with me, she began to remember horrible sexual abuse as a child and teenager that she had suppressed the memories of, and she began to have flashbacks during sex. This basically killed her sex drive, and 20 years with a great therapist and all my love couldn't fix her. About once a year she would overcome her inhibitions and we would have wonderful lovemaking. But the rest of the time, I was starving for physical intimacy. I finally decided to try men. I figured it would be easy to hook up. It wasn't. And because it was men, it didn't feel so much like cheating. Of course it was cheating and I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop. I was extremely careful and she died without ever suspecting. If she had found out, she would not have been angry or left me, but she would have been hurt and blamed herself. I am very grateful she was spared that
When I met Vixie, I told her right away that I'm bi. She said that it wasn't a problem for her, that she has a daughter that is bi. But she never dreamed that in three months she would be engaged and sharing her man and her body with other men. I'm so thankful that I was honest with her.
I would suggest talking to your wife, being careful to assure her that it isn't a failing on her part. And that if she still enjoys cuddling and kissing that you enjoy it too. And because you already cross dress, tell her that you are curious what sex with a man would feel like, taking care to explain the difference between recreational sex and lovemaking. Vixie and I both know the difference. She knows I enjoy fun sex with men and she even occasionally joins in. But her sex drive is less than mine so she encourages me to enjoy my suckbuddy any tine he and I can get together. It is the perfect arrangement. Recreational sex is for the fun, the excitement, and the delicious, pun intended, naughtiness. making is for her alone. know she is a rare treasure and I give thanks for her every day. I miss mylate wife, but Vixie and I are both having the best and most sex of our lives. Best of luck, my friend. You deserve a great sex life and your wife need not be hurt.
Doc

D6ltgf
I agree with “ yourcockinm....”
your 72 and it’s natural for people to slow down on sex as couples especially after a woman is post menopause,
However maybe like others say because of your fetish she maybe doesn’t view you as the man she once knew?
Men as they loose testosterone get softer with age it’s just natural,
My father who was a tyrant in his thirties is now 87 and and so very different!
My advice is to see a specialist maybe or just surprise her get some flowers delivered unexpectedly!
Maybe hid your fetish from her and sneak under the covers one night or morning and get between her legs and stay there be gentle and take time to pleasure her as women usually enjoy getting licked at an older age than fucked ,
I have been with older women even when I was much younger and I found that they love foreplay way more as they get older!
As far as sneaking around it’s really something each person has to struggle with themselves,
She’s at least stroking and sucking you so she’s trying to show love for you maybe it’s time for you to get to business between her legs she’s maybe too shy or maybe thinks that you’re not interested in doing that because she doesn’t feel sexy

sceptic47
it is amazing how parallel our situations are! Even down to being on this site and open to exploring sex with other men. I do not have a easy answer for you as I do not which way I will go. I think keep looking for a compatible sex friend and I feel that doing it with a guy is not cheating but with a woman would be.

chefboyardee
Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

cajunman696960
I actually understand where you are coming from on this, I've been on the receiving end of cheating, its not a good situation, and maybe that's why I'm still single.
Yourcockinmymouth has some good advice, but the most important thing is communication and yes I understand how uncomfortable it is, consequences of getting caught could mean you lose your wife and you little secret gets out to everyone, at that point you start losing family and friends

Abner_Normal
is one third of what makes a marriage so if the two of you aren't on the same page it's already on shaky ground. There are three things you can do. Staying with the status quo is essentially wallowing in the unpleasant situation. The other two choices are seeking help to try an fix it or hire a lawyer and get out of it. You both need to see a counselor, preferably one who won't get squicked out by cross-dressing. Here's hoping for the best for both of you.

Fredka
Be discrete ... try not to hurt anyone

WiganDave
Hi Chef,
Firstly, I note that you are 72 - but what age is your wife? If she is younger than you & is going/has gone through the Menopause, it affects a woman's sex drive enormously.
I was in the same situation as you - I loved Cross Dressing & my wife discovered this when she found one of her blouse/skirt combos on a different hanger in her wardrobe, smelling of my aftershave ! It was great for a while - she would encourage me to go out with her in my 'gurly gear', as she dressed like a whore - I later realised that I was the bait that she was using to attract 'the Hunks'. For a while it was great - she'd get fucked outside a club & I'd 'clean her up' as her Beau watched & laughed.
Later, it changed - her sex drive dried up - I'm sure that she wasn't having sex elsewhere - maybe it was the menopause?
You say "In the past she was sometimes frisky when she had too much to drink, but that was a turn off for me." I can't imagine why it should be a turn-off for you - people lose their inhibitions after a few drinks & show their true selves. I was certainly turned on when my wife was tipsy & frisky !
But what makes you think that she is looking "elsewhere for what she can't or won't give" you?
As for your choices:- 1, No - don't just live with it. 3, Yes - talk to her & tell her how you feel (after all, you are married - so you have a say in your relationship). I'd be surprised if she gets annoyed & resents you for this, but if she does, you always have Option 2 - you have no reason for guilt - you are a man with sexual needs, you will have explained your needs to her (ref Option 3) and if you are caught out, you can justify your behaviour by telling her that by denying you sex, she drove you to it. (Incidently, on a legal note, if she could prove your infidelity, she would have grounds to divorce you - but equally, withdrawal of consent for sex is also grounds for divorce - ie 'non consumation'.)
Option 4:- video sex. Having denied you 'real' sex, I can't see why she should object to you wanking to porn. If "this is not what you want" then go with Option 2.
Good luck

Fuzzy649
The truth is, there is only one thing you can do. Talk to her. Find out what is going on. You need to find out what she wants and what she is willing to let you do. Then you can talk to see if you both come to a agreement that you both can live with! Otherwise you are going to end up lying to her and then going your own ways. It's better to get it out in the open!

Sawyer564942
I’m experiencing the exact same situation. I’ve tried #1 but I’m still very sexual and not willing to give up on sex. I’ve tried #3, but she just gets angry. So #2 is an attractive solution for me.

chefboyardee
I forgot what 1, 2 and 3 are. Hold on a sec.... Ok, gotcha. Having her get mad, or even upset and non-communicative, when you try to talk to them about your needs seems so unfair, I'm seriously weakening. I've had a couple of nice invites and it's tempting. I think I'm going to try video first. Thanks for the reply and good luck to you.

ridernmich
We would go for #3. If it does not work go for #2. Life is too short to go with out.

Wantatrans
I understand your situation. My wife decided for both of us that there was going to be no more sex So I have decided I would explore my bisexual tendencies. I will respect hereby not bringing a lover in our house. I may be 63 but I'm not dead either

Karate4222
Never stop doing things for your wife. If you guys have sec once a week and go out to dinner keep doing that. And start taking showers after you get home before you start cheating. And the main thing once you catch feeling you end it. The grass is never greener on the other side let her know this a thing and one day it will end. Tell her that so when it comes you didn’t lie or lied her own.